Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
