He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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