ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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