He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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