i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
