Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
