What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
