i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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