I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
