I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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