I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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