I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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