Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Randomize
