Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
