i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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