she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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