we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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