Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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