he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
