YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
