Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
