Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I could make wine with my vomit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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