you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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