oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
