your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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