so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
