went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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