Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
