i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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