We named our party play list daddy issues
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
