Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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