this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
