i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
