Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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