I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Two words: nipple clamps
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