i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
