if you like me you must not know who I am
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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