i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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