Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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