she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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