My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
