The maid of honor just puked.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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