You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
