I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
