Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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