I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
