I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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