Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
