but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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