is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
